Patriotism Might Be Vegan!

I guess we can thank American Apparel for delivering well packaged, trendy, ironic patriotism to young, jaded, metropolitan liberals (read: hipsters). Personally, I don’t really care if you actually believe that these colors don’t run, or if you weren’t one of those crazy people popping blood vessels, screaming in the street after Osama’s capture (WE GOT HIM!) I just love a good theme party, and this past weekend, I sure did got one!

The red, white and blue was flowing like it was 1976 all over again, and in a city like San Francisco, where we have the highest per capital Kombucha consumption in the country and people hand out fliers for things like “naked yoga,” this couldn’t be a more curious sight.

But the more I think about it, fuck, I love America….my  America, and I’m not ashamed! This place might not be the gun toting, McNugget bellied, women born from men’s ribs (mmm…ribs) America, but it still counts!

My America is the place where cops simply tell you to cross the street when they come across you rolling a joint outside the movie theater before you go indulge in the latest Tyler Perry hit ( don’t judge me, it was ONE time), where a 40oz. of premium malt beverage can be enjoyed in plain sight in the out of doors on a sunny day. My America is where hundreds of thousands of “Dykes” ride off into the sunset (some of them topless) on motorcycles every year at the end of June, where grown men casually stroll naked along the beach at the foot of the Golden Gate Bridge (I’m supporting freedom of expression here, not old man balls, FYI.)

This is a place where homeless guy’s piss their pants after being given one too many free beers out of the kindness of happy strangers and then repay the favor by seductively dancing for the masses:

San Francisco, God damn you sometimes, you and your pagan tree rituals, and overpriced vegan baby food, the rude homeless hippy-punks on Haight Street and the trendy charcuteries and speakeasy’s. God Damn you, but I love you, you’re my America and you better bet your Yankee Doodle Dandy that I’m gonna tip a Bud Diesel to you in my thrifted red-white-and blue cut-offs in Dolores Park on the fourth of July!

Because, let’s face it, It ‘aint so bad bein’ a patriot in my America.