Thoughts on Halloween

Halloween is an endless source of fodder, especially when living in San Francisco, where some people choose to celebrate their own personal Halloween 365 days a year.

This year Hallows Eve fell on Monday, which made the previous Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday leading up to the big day very precarious for revelers. There’s always going to be that 20 or so percent of the population who just can’t help but jump the gun on the whole dressing up thing. I was a little caught off guard when I took the last remaining seat on the work shuttle bus Thursday evening and found myself sitting next to a 300lb bumble bee. This is happening already?! Really? Friday made a little bit more sense…but still, Halloween was a full 3 days away, keep it in your pants guys! Not to say that it isn’t endlessly entertaining to be at a bar in your plain-clothes while a giant, over zealous hot dog tries to strike up a normal conversation with you like it aint no thang. What’s the worst though, is when you see that lone Jedi or glam rocker making his way to a party somewhere, hailing a cab out in the middle of the street all alone.

This year, in certain parts SF, I noticed a slight wrinkle in the good ‘ol Halloween Whore trend, I call it the “Hipster Slut Costume,” and it basically consists of outlandish bits of thrifted clothing thrown together to create some sort of risque, runway look “costume.” By far the most popular in this category was Little Red Riding Hood, followed closely by emaciated sex zombie. With all these pseudo gothic and “native” trends “en vogue,” it was no doubt super easy to dress in hipster-slut costume using one’s day-to-day wardrobe of knee-highs and garters, black lace up booties, blood red lipstick, healing-crystal pendant necklace and hooded poncho. OMGSOCUTE. Annoying, but undoubtedly better than that tried and true, store-bought, slutty nurse costume manufactured in Taiwan that causes severe static cling and is made out of the same shiny fabric as those flame-retardant pajamas for kids.

I think my favorite part about Halloween has to be getting into character. Once the liquor starts flowing I tend to prefer method acting for the entire night. For example, this year as ZZ TOP we delighted fellow party-goers with twangy accented details of our residency at Thunder Valley Casino, one of California’s premiere tribal gambling destinations. However, some people push this whole “not breaking character” thing to the limits, like the soldier who was over-using corny military euphemisms in effort to get girls to dance with him, talk about secondhand embarrassment.

It’s a well known fact that the freaks come out at night, and on Halloween it’s ten-fold. By far the most terrifying thing I encountered this year was a dude who’s costume could best be described as vomit-stained-black-out-wasted-zombie on a skateboard, a boom box affixed to his back provided the perfect Slayer soundtrack and his fully functioning taser gun was the icing on the cake. Pretty safe to say that after Saturday night he only has one functioning testicle.

By the time Monday rolled around, I was simply Halloween’d out, I only actually dressed up on Saturday, but just seeing the costume parade drag on for nearly 5 days was exhausting and dis-orienting. The highlight of Halloween proper was when my co-worker’s brought their babies in all dressed up to trick-or-treat around the office. When one of the toddlers wasn’t looking I pick-pocketed her jack-o-lantern basket for a Reeses. I feel horrible about it.

Well, that’s that, another one in the books. Can’t wait for next year when the spook-fest falls on a Tuesday, which just means I’m gonna have to line up like 6 different sets of animal ears and matching booty shorts! Sigh.

Aint Nothin' But a Z Thang Bay-bay.

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